So, I am deciding to make a blog instead of hand writing it. I should have done this from day 1 because i know that I am definately a faster typer, and i enjoy it much more. But anyways.

Today I have been sitting at home all day, (it is Saturday), and I have just been thinking pretty much all day about what Tharp said on Friday about being a Christian, and not acting like one, as opposed to being a Christian and acting like one. I have been thinking a lot about this, and where I stand with it.

The conclusion that I reached with this, is I say that I am a christian, but I definately do not act like one. I mean, I know that being and saying your a christian doesn't mean perfection. The reason why I don't think I'm really a Christian is because, I do say that I am, but I don't act like it, or really make an effort to act like it. As I have said before, I know what's wrong, and I know what's right... but I just don't follow those, or really even care. There are certain times when I tell myself that I do want to be better, and that I want to live as God wants me to live, but when it comes down to it, I don't even give it a second thought.

At this point, I am in a rut. Not consider myself as a Christian, and just keep on living the way I live, or keep my statement that I am a Christian excpet change my lifestyle. The courageous thing I know, would to live up to higher expectations. But I almost don't know how to do that. When a decision comes with the options as living for God, or not. The thought to live for him doesn't even cross my mind.

It's almost as if, I know that God is there, but the bible stories that we all hear are just stories and things that just sound good.

This was hard to write. But it's good that I'm getting it out.